Humour The Mood Changer
Yesterday is past; tomorrow is unknown; only today is real and matters most. Our life is never a bed of roses. So there will always be challenges to face; but that’s life. So we should always try to enjoy the lighter side of life, whenever opportunity comes our way. So never miss this page ever .
We have designed this page to present. Some humour that everybody will enjoy. Here we go.
1) Leaving the Royal Shakespeare Theatre in Stratford –on Avon after a performance of “As You Like it”, I heard a voice among the throng of foreign visitors:
“First –rate, isn’t it? And they tell me it was written by a local man.
(Incidentally, Shakespeare lived in Stratford-on-Avon which the foreigner didn’t know)
2) Three senior citizens are out for a stroll.
One of them remarks,” It’s windy today”.
Another replies, “No way, It’s Thursday”.
The last one says, ” Me too, let’s have a soda”.
3) An elderly man was having hearing problem and went to an ENT specialist. The doctor fitted him with some hearing aids that brought back his hearing to its best.
After a few weeks, the man comes back to the doctor for a check-up. The specialist said, “It all seems to be perfect. Your family must be delighted that you can hear everything clearly”
“Oh no”, the man replied, “I haven’t told them anything. Now a days, I sit quietly listening carefully and I have changed my will thrice by now.”
I came just to tell you that I don’t need the hearing aids anymore because, my purpose is served.
You may give it to someone who may need them but can’t afford.”
He returned the hearing aids and left , leaving the doctor stunned.
4) A couple in their nineties are both suffering from short time memory loss are in for a check-up. The physician says that physically they’re okay, but since they are having trouble remembering things, they might want to start writing down things to do.
Later that evening they’re sitting and reading when the husband stands up.
“Would you like anything from the kitchen?” he asks.
“Some vanilla ice-cream” his wife replies.
Shouldn’t you write it down, so you don’t forget? She asks.
“Don’t worry, I won’t forget”
Well”, she says” a few raspberries on top would be great. Won’t you write it down so that you don’t forget?”
A little miffed, he replies, “I have got it by heart ,Ice cream, raspberries and chocolate sauce .” I don’t need it written down, for gosh sake.’ He waddles out to the kitchen.
Half an hour later, he comes back with a plate of ham and scrambled eggs and gives to his wife. She stares at the plate a few seconds , then says,” You forgot my toast.”
5. Female Dictionary
5. Female Dictionary
|What they say||What they may mean|
|“Nothing, forget it” ……||You better figure out what you did wrong.|
|“Are you tired?” .……||Hold me tight. I need a tight Hug.|
|“I shall be yours till I die”…||Actually, till I find a better option.|
|“I love you”……||Tell me you love me more.|
|“Whole day I was thinking of you” ……..||My foot, I was dreaming of the new dress I saw in the Show window.|
PS : No offence meant to ladies for sure.
6) A notorious bank robber was asked by a media person, ‘why do you rob banks?
He answered, “People toil and toil whole life to earn money. By the time they retire, they have spent most of their earning. That’s, stupid.
Look at me, when I rob a bank, it’s a smart job. Even if police can trace me and can prove that I am the culprit, I serve a few years in jail as state -guest at no cost.
When I am released I lead a lavish life for several years. And when I escape , I am in seventh heaven, It’s a Tax free income I enjoy.
7) Some Scuba Diving trainees were about to be tested on their first dive in the ocean. “What do we have to do to pass ?asked one.
The instructor replied, “Come back “
8) Someone asked a famous comedian, “How would you like to be remembered? Prompt came the reply,
“In some billionaire’s will”
9) When the governor of the Virgin Islands was visiting Washington, the toastmaster became flustered during his introduction, and announced.
“ It’s great pleasure to present the Virgin of Governor’s Island.”
10) A termite in antic store to its friends,” Folks, we are going to have Chinese dinner tonight. The antic dealer has imported some gorgeous looking wooden furniture from Hong Kong. “
One Liner: Fun with Pun
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When life gets dull … Come, charge your batteries here
1) When everything seems to be going against you, remember that aeroplanes take off against the wind, not with it.
2) When going gets tough, tough gets going.
3) Worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.
4) Problem is, we often mistake worrying for thinking. Unfortunately, these two words have nothing in common. While thinking is a way to solve a problem, worrying is merely an aimless brooding over an issue.
5) Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny. So, neve,r I repeat never , give up.